Self-Respect Challenge

My friend made this challenge for me, I decided to take it after a long year of her waiting for me to take it. I’m not going to cheat. I’ll update this post every day until I finish 30 days. I challenge all of you to also take this challenge.

Self-respect: Self respect comes from what you do, not how you feel. Self respect is making positive actions that will positively impact your life.

Day 1: Name 5 reasons of why you are worthy of real love

  • God loves me
  • I’m caring
  • Give people my all
  • I know my self worth
  • Stay when things get hard in a relationship

 

Interracial Dating

Love knows no color
we love with our heart
loving without barriers
we write with our soul
therefore we are artists…

this is a poem
about interracial love
sit back and read it
and learn like Aesop’s fables…

I am as light as milk chocolate

He is bright as day
when we are together
we create a radiant light..

I am the bright Asian princess,

but dark against his ivory skin
contrasting the shades of our bodies
we marinate in reality’s dreams
stapling our color together
a passion that takes us
to forbidden exotic places…

Our color entangles within our arms
we dance in meadows taboo
we kiss in the soft tall grass
crushing daisies with our naked bodies..

we speak bliss and love with our tongues
a language not even my Asian ancestors would understand
creating magic in our stolen moments
as our bodies yearn to satisfy the other..

Elders before us roll over in their graves in anguish
surprised a love so sacred and eternal
this bridge between two souls
perhaps could be too painful to witness…

His body electric to my brown crescent moon figure
sparking as he caress with vanilla fingers
into any crater that can be found
satisfying the insatiable desires of our shadows..

After long afternoons of tongue and touch
we find safety in our refuge
laying in the ruins of our forbidden pleasures
so snug and serene in our exotic jungle…

What Anxiety Feels Like

Every single day, it never fails, I feel like I’m drowning.

Every single day, it never fails, I have a panic attack.

Every single day, it never fails, I am scared of myself.

It doesn’t get easier, it never has. The medicine doesn’t help. But, every single day, I pick myself up, and keep going. No matter how hard it is. No matter how much I want to give up, I pick myself up and keep moving. Keep living. I have to keep living.

Most people don’t understand what it’s like to live with depression, anxiety, and have a constant cycle of fear. Some people think they do, and they try to act like they understand, but in reality they have no fucking idea how it feels.

They don’t know how it feels to be on the ground in tears because you’ve just had too much interactions. They don’t know how it feels to have a seizure inside your body from anxiety, when the outside looks perfectly normal. They don’t know how it feels to be surrounded by so many people who love you, yet you feel so alone. They don’t know how it feels to not want to get up in the morning because you’re too scared of yourself to get up. They just don’t know.

Every little thing is hard. Every time I have to leave my room, it’s hard. Every time I have to talk to people I don’t know, it’s hard. Every time I’m in a crowded room, it’s hard. The simplest things in life seem to be the hardest.

Somedays, I wish that it would all just go away. Somedays, I wish I hadn’t been cursed with a demon inside.

But then there are days that I realize I see things differently because of my disorder. I appreciate things more. I love harder because of my disorder. I have found people that understand me and love me for me. I have my best friend and my family who are there for me. For having a curse living inside 24/7, it does have some good that come from it.

So to whoever is reading this, just know, even when you feel alone, you aren’t. When you feel like you’re drowning, just know, it won’t last forever. When you feel like you just can’t do it anymore, just know, you can ask for help; you can be needy, because everyone needs someone sometimes. This disorder sucks, but you, you can handle it. I know you can. You’re a fighter. So, push, push past all of the damn struggles you’re going through, push push push. And you just tell that anxiety and depression to go to hell.

“This too shall pass, my darling.”

I don’t understand why you lied.

Why did you lie?

All the pills you’ve taken, the cigarettes you were smoking, the alcohol you were drinking

Were you ever sober when you were with me?

I would taste alcohol on your breath, but I didn’t care.

All the things you’ve said, were they true?

“You’re the cutest, sweetest thing.” That’s what you said.

You said you had a crush on me. You kissed me in a way I’ve never been kissed before

The way you touched me, the way you reassured me about that night.

You kissed me so passionately and kissed my forehead. You saved me that night or so I thought.

I can’t thank you enough for that. But was that all an act? Did you ever really care about me?

I pray to God you don’t become like your father. I pray that you will get help one day. I pray that the right girl will come along and help you. I wish very much that I could be that girl, but I can’t. I’m sorry. It hurts me seeing you like this.

I’m sorry if I hurt you by not being able to stay, but God was telling me I shouldn’t because I will be even more hurt than I am now.

I pray that one day, you will be real with yourself and admit your problems.

I caught feels for you. I never thought I would EVER catch feelings for anyone. But I did.

I would never admit it to anyone, but I caught feelings for you.

If you didn’t lie to me, maybe this would be different. You keep denying and denying that you don’t do any of those things.

But why am I hearing other things. Why do I hear,

“He is an addict.”

“He pops pills all the time.”

“He will hurt you and manipulate you and lie to you”

You said “I guess this is what nice guys get, right?”

No. You did it to yourself. You lost me because you lied to me.

Maybe. JUST maybe. It would’ve been different if you could tell me the truth.

I asked MULTIPLE times if you still take pills, if you still smoke cigarettes. You continuously said no.

And I believed you. Those brown eyes just staring at me. Making me feel lost and entranced.

You made me look like a dumbass bitch. I believed everything you said.

How could you lie so easily? How could you look at me the way you did and tell me straight in the eyes you don’t do anything? How was it so easy for you? Did you ever mean what you said?

After I broke up with you, how did you move on so easily. Like as if nothing happened and I don’t exist.

“*Austin is throwing a party and hella bitches are coming!”

Did that make you feel more like a man?

Did that make you feel better? Was I ever in your mind during the party?

Were you seeing other girls behind my back? You asked me if I was seeing other guys and I said no. You said cool I’m not seeing anyone either. If you were seeing other girls, why is that okay, but not okay if I see other guys.

The memories of our adventures and your touch still lingers. I want it to go away, but it won’t.

What about you? Do I even exist in your mind anymore? or am I just one of the girls you fucked?

I’m sorry if me leaving you hurt you. But it was for the best. For both of us.

I understand I’ll never understand why or if you ever were sober when we were together. It’s been eating me alive, but I’m finally going to let go of this pain I feel.

My head is all over the place. I can’t think straight. I don’t want to eat. I just want to sleep. You hurt me.

CJ showed me that anger is a secondary emotion. I was VERY angry the night I found out about the party and the lies you told.

Anger derives from being hurt, threatened, and fear.

I feel hurt and threatened because I was vulnerable with you. I told you EVERYTHING about me. I opened up to you and now I feel stupid. I don’t know what your intentions were when you got with me, but I pray that it was good. I know you are a good guy, *Austin, but you lied and hurt me. And I believe it was because you are afraid to be like your father. But *Austin, you are NOTHING like your father. But if you continue the path you are on, you will be. You are your own person. You are not your father. I hope you get help, babe. You are worth so much more than all the pills you’re taking. I care so much about you. You talked to me EVERYDAY! We talked until 3 am and opened up to each other. I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong.

*this is not his real name! I changed it for security reasons!

 

To my “not ex boyfriend”? Thank you.

Thank you for showing me that underneath all the thorns and shields I built over my heart, that I have the ability to love.

Thank you for showing me that I have feelings and my heart is soft and full of love.

Thank you for the time we had together and the memories we made.

Thank you for putting a smile on my face.

Although this “not relationship” didn’t last long at all, I’m glad it happened. I’m thankful I found out who you really were in the early stages. This “not relationship” crashed and burned very quickly and I’m sorry. I did cause it, however, you did put it on yourself. The truth caught on. A little earlier than you thought, but it caught on.

Thank you, _____________________ (I had his full name here, for confidential reasons I erased it). Thank you for everything– the good, the bad and the ugly.

May Favorites 2017

It’s crazy to think we’re already at the end of May! I want to first say CONGRATULATIONS to the Class of 2017! Y’all did it! Next stop: Adulthood and College! I can’t wait to see what life has in store for y’all! Second: I want to say sorry I haven’t been posting in a really long time, college and work has been super crazy and I haven’t had a lot of time blogging. I’m back with my monthly favorites again! I don’t have many favorites for this month, bet let’s get started!

Like I said before, I don’t have a lot of favorites, but I’ve been loving my Stila Stay All Day Eyeliner! I love how dark and opaque the liner is. It’s also very versatile. The brush tip is very flexible so you can have a nature thin liner or a thick, dramatic liner.

I also have been loving this new matte liquid lipstick by Kiss New York Professional. The liquid lipstick line is called Celeste and the color I’ve been obsessed with is called Peanut Brittle.

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My next favorite is an organization thing. I’ve been really in love with planning my life accordingly but in fashion! It’s not just a planner, but it’s called bullet journaling. I love how flexible bullet journaling is! It’s a planner, a diary, a sketchbook, and a to-do list! You can customize it to your lifestyle.

This month I’ve been reading the book Evermore by Alyson Noël. It’s about a sixteen-year-old, Ever Bloom and how her life changes forever after a car accident that kills her entire family. She moves to California and posses psychic abilities. This book is the first book to the Immortal series. Alyson Noël does an amazing job with building suspense and curiosity to hold her readers’ attention throughout this book. I would definitely recommend this book!

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Well y’all that’s it for this month, I hope y’all have a wonderful day!

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Studying Tips to Succeed in College (or High School)

Hey y’all! In case y’all didn’t know, I’m a freshman in college. As I was studying for my psychology test, I thought it would be a good idea to share with y’all my study tips on here. So let’s get into it!

Tip #1: Get a planner

I would highly, highly recommend getting a planner. It will help get you organized, especially if you’re busy. I’m have a part-time job and I go to college part-time, I also write on this blog (not as often as I like, but hopefully I can get back into blogging again)! Currently I’m using a bullet journal. I love bullet journalling because it’s very flexible and I can customize it to MY lifestyle. I will be doing a bullet journal blog post very soon for those of y’all who are interested.

Tip #2: Record your lectures

I like recording my lectures in class because sometimes my teachers will talk a lot and has a lot of information I can’t type or write down I can always go home and listen to the recording and revise my notes and make them better when I study.

Tip #3: Flash Cards

If I have a class where there’s a lot of vocabulary or even if there’s questions on the test and they’re short answers I like to study with flash cards. If you don’t like using paper flash cards you can always use StudyBlue.com or Quizlet.com. Get the app on your phone and study on-the-go!

Tip #4: Preview and Review

Preview before class and review after class. If you just finished a section or a chapter, read the next section or chapter before class so you have a decent idea of what you will be talking about in class. Then after class you can review in depth of what y’all talked about. This is a great study skill to have because you won’t have to study a lot because you’re spreading the time out.

Tip $5: Color Coding/Highlighting

Last and final tip is color coding and highlighting. Color coding your notes and highlighting important parts in your notes is a great study tip! If you color code your notes it’s easier to see without being super overwhelmed when you’re studying for finals. It also makes it pretty and somewhat fun to do! I’ve noticed the more colorful my notes are the more I want to look at them.

I hope these tips are helpful and I would love to see what other tips y’all have that work for you!

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In-Flight Beauty Routine

As summer is approaching, I’m sure many of y’all including myself will be traveling a lot for vacation. I have put a few tips together to share with y’all, so your skin will not be so stressed out as it already is from flying.

Tip #1: Pack travel sized products you already use at home. For example get empty travel sized bottles from Amazon or a beauty supply store. This is because your skin is used to the products and you know you will not be breaking out. You don’t want to stress your skin any more than it already is.

Tip #2: Use a makeup remover or a water cleanser with a cotton pad to remove your makeup.

Bonus Tip: Soak the cotton pads with the water cleanser and put it in a zip lock bag.

Tip #3: Ask a flight attendant for a hot towel. Place the hot towel over your face and leave it on for about 10 minutes. This will help open up your pores, so that your skin will absorb the products better.

Tip #4: Moisturize your skin with your favorite moisturizer. Don’t forget your lips either, so use your trustee lip balm.

Tip $5: Use an overnight face mask. Overnight face masks are great because you can have it on while you sleep.

Tip #6: After you wake up from your nap, you can use your cleansing water and cotton bad again and spray a facial mist all over your face.

Tip #7: For makeup keep it light and simple. I like to use a cushion foundation because it’s quick and easy and great for traveling. Next, use an eyelash curler and mascara and lipstick and some brow powder.

Hope y’all have/had a great flight!!!

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May Goals

Hey y’all recently I have read that writing your goals increases the likelihood of committing to them and taking actions by 42%. I have decided to write them down in my bullet journal for a daily reminder and share it with y’all.

Since this is my first written out goals I will not have a recap of last month’s goals because I didn’t have any, however I will be doing monthly goals and do a reflection of each month and tell y’all on things I could improve on and how I achieved/worked on achieving my goals for each month.

So, in May I want to:

  • Write 3 posts a week
  • Read 1 “fun” book
  • Let the things I can’t control go as much as possible
  • Eat healthier
  • Get a strong start to college
  • Continue bullet journaling– be organized
  • Be more financially aware of spending
    • Focus more on needs than wants
    • Not eating out
  • Eat breakfast every morning (I’m don’t eat breakfast)
  • Try to keep up having a clean room/car for more than a day
  • Figure out what to get my mom for Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day Gift Guide 2017 For The 5 Love Languages

After decades of couples counseling and research, Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, found that everyone “speaks” a primary love language. Your love language is your preferred way to express and experience love emotionally. Dr. Chapman explains each love language here.

As we prepare for how we’d like to show the mothers and mother figures in our lives our love and appreciation, consider what her love language might be. If you don’t know, Dr. Chapman suggests thinking about how they tend to express love to others: Do they give gifts, never fail to give you a hug, or offer to help you somehow? He also recommends observing what they tend to complain about most: “I never get to spend time with you.” “You haven’t called me in ages!” These will give you clues as to whether they’re gifts, physical touch, acts of services, quality time, or words of affirmation are their love language.

Once you’ve figured it out, here are a few tried-and-true ideas we know are sure to make your mom feel as loved as she deserves to be.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

If she has been a source of “You’re doing a great job!” “That looks great on you!” and “Everything will be OK” statements in your life, then this woman probably feels most loved when she receives affirming words too.

  • This gorgeous “World’s Best Mom” card by Rifle Paper Co. will delight the mama whose heart melts at a kind remark.
  • If you’re no Shakespeare, let this fill-in-the-blank You’re So Awesome book help you do the talking.
  • Feeling creative? Pick up a blank canvas for less than $10 and paint her favorite song lyric onto it as Verily articles editor Megan Madden did for her mom. “We Skyped while listening to the song. My mom’s super into gushy things like that though.” So are we!

QUALITY TIME

This love language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention more than where or what you’re doing. Keep the distractions to a minimum by engaging in an activity you’re both familiar with and enjoy rather than something new.

  • If you both love to cook, plan a date and replace an old tool, like this classic and clean British Porcelain Mortar & Pestle.
  • If you’re both artistic, Verily culture editor Mary Rose Somarriba suggests going on a paint and wine date where you get to take home your masterpiece.
  • Verily style editor Lilly Bozzone split an Airbnb rental with her sisters to spend a weekend away with their mom (adorable!).
  • If an extravagant gift isn’t in the budget or there’s a long distance between you, as it has been with Megan and her mother, grab a cup of coffee and have a long and leisurely Skype or FaceTime date. No matter what you choose, it should be an opportunity to catch up and really listen to this woman who means so much to you.

ACTS OF SERVICE

For these women, actions speak louder than words. Chances are she’s been of more service to others than she has been to herself—and would delight in someone offering her a helping hand (or a day off).

  • Give your mom the gift of doing by checking something off her list that she’s wanted done for ages but never gets around to: fix that squeaky hinge, organize all the digital photos of the grandkids, or offer to purge the basement (which is probably filled with your high school castoffs anyway!).
  • Help her prioritize self-care by treating her to a DIY relaxation kit: include a de-stressing adult coloring book or a similar alternative, a good book, essential oils, an artisinal botanical candle by Wax Apothecary, or a DIY terrarium kit.
  • Breakfast in bed is thoughtful, sweet, and oh-so-affordable. Emily Brett, Verily‘s graphic designer, shares, “For Mother’s Day every year, my brother, dad and I wake up early and make my mom a full breakfast, then serve it to her. It’s a little treat that she really appreciates and looks forward to each year!”

PHYSICAL TOUCH

To this mom, nothing speaks more deeply than a warm hug, linking arms, a kiss on the cheek, or a tender squeeze on the arm.

  • Ready to make a physical touch mom feel super-special? Mary Rose recommends buying a new nail polish shade that complements her skin tone and giving her an at-home mani/pedi (we can hear the spa bells ringing).
  • Give her a much needed neck or back rub, or book an hour-long massage delivered to the comfort of her own home or office through the Soothe app for $99 (tip included).
  • Reduce her stress and refresh her mood by rubbing a bit of essential oils from doTERRA onto her temples, behind her neck and ears, and on her wrists. Ah, serenity.

GIFTS

For some, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift. Dr. Chapman advises, “Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.” The perfect gift or gesture shows that she is known, cared for, and prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to her. It’s difficult for us to recommend the perfect gift because it depends so much on the individual. But we do have a few ideas based on our own experiences.

  • If you notice her hands need a little TLC, Emily recommends l’Occitane’s popular hand cream with Shea butter and honey.
  • If she’s always hunting people down for photos, collect them from family members and create a personalized photo book of special gatherings. Our lifestyle editor Kriza Liquido’s mother-in-law loves these!
  • Megan bought a gorgeously illustrated book titled A Mother Is a Story by Samantha Hahn for her own mom this year. Her accompanying journal, Stories for My Child, is a thoughtful opportunity for mom to record milestones and experiences to cherish.
  • Sophie Caldecott, Verily‘s special projects manager, recommends getting a voucher for an online class in calligraphy, macaron making, book binding, or photography from atly for the woman who wants to broaden her repertoire of talents.
  • For something that will remind her of you year-round, consider jewelry. Megan shares, “My mom, sister, and I all have matching rings, which makes us feel united when we’re apart.”

Whatever you choose for the special women in your life, we hope some of these ideas help you find the perfect gifts that make them feel most loved this Mother’s Day.

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