Modern Dating-Rant

I’m in the mood to rant about modern dating, so sorry if this is all over the place because I’m literally just typing this as I’m thinking. So here it is; in this generation, dating is no longer dating. This is the generation of “it’s complicated.” My definition of dating is exploring life with another person. Growing with each other with the intention of a future together (aka marriage and kids). We live in the world of technology, so you would think dating would be easier right? Wrong. It made things so much more complicated and confusing for everyone. We jump straight to conclusions. Dating is now Netflix and chill. No one seems to go out and explore the world together anymore. He likes another girls picture, does he like her? This girl has 500 likes, I’m nothing compared to her. He took 3 hours to respond. He only texts me at 2am. Does he just want to f*ck? We’re all scared to commit but we don’t want to be alone and because of that our generation has invented “talking.” You’re not dating officially, but you’re talking.  They are your girl or man, but since y’all aren’t together you can’t be upset with them talking or seeing other people. You know they like you and you like them back, but no one is making the first move into an actual relationship. I think talking is great, but our version of talking is just over text. No one makes the first move to hang out in person. I feel like you can’t know someone until you meet them in person more than once to see if y’all it it off.

Once y’all have sex, that’s what your relationship starts to be all about. Your relationship will be centered around having sex. Yes, sex is great but no relationship should be centered around having sex. A relationship should be about growing together and adventuring. The we have the option of friends with benefits but that will only work if both people do not catch feelings, which doesn’t happen often. Normally, one person tends to always catch feelings and that my friends is no bueno. In my experience of having an fwb we’re both into each other, but don’t want to commit so we end up just talking and having sex. I don’t want to offend anyone who loves hooking up and doing fwb/one night stands. If doing that makes you happy, then go for it!

This is what dating has come to, talking and having sex. Not wanting to commit but don’t want to be alone. It’s sad, but the truth. We all post on social media we want dating to come back, but we don’t make it happen. Our generation is supposed to change the world, so let’s start now. We shouldn’t be settling for less. We deserve more than what we accept. My favorite quote is from Perks of Being a Wallflower, “we accept the love we think we deserve.” But the truth is we deserve WAYY more, so why can’t we see that in ourselves? Why are we letting boys/relationships, how many likes on social media we get define who we are. (Damn…I just went on a huge tangent. I’ll stop now hahaha). But you get the point, hopefully. I would love to hear what your thoughts are about modern dating.

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My Skin Care Routine aka The Korean 10 Step Skin Care Routine

Yes, you read that right. I actually do the full 10 steps to the Korean Skin Care Routine.

The general steps to this skin care routine are

  • Double Cleanse
    • Oil based cleanser
      • Banila Clean It Zero Sherbet Cleanser
    • Water based cleanser
      • Garnier SkinActive Miceller Cleansing Water
  • Exfoliation
    • St. Ives Apricot Scrub
  • Toners/Softners
    • Dickinson’s Original Witch Hazel Pore Perfecting Toner
  • Essence
    • Shiseido Benefiance Essence Serum
  • Serums
    • Estee Lauder Night Repair Serum
  • Sheet Masks
    • Foodaholic Naural Essence Mask
  • Eye Cream
    • Resilience Lift Firming/ Sculpting Eye Cream
  • Moisturizer
    • Neutrogena Hydro Boost Water Gel-Cream, Extra-Dry Skin
  • Sunscream
    • Neutrogena Sunscreen SPF 50

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DIY Cushion Foundation

Hey y’all! Today I will be showing y’all how to make your own cushion foundation. Cushion foundations have been a huge trend in Korea (where it originally started) and in the US. Cushion foundations are great if you are always on the go and it’s a nice travel size compact for when you are traveling. In Korea it is their beauty standard to have bright and pale skin so their foundations do not cater for dark skin tones. They also love that glowy, dewy finish, however, I know some people who prefer matte finish or a higher coverage cushion foundation. So to cater for everyone, I have decided to share this DIY cushion foundation. It’s quick and easy!

Here are the products you will need:

  • Cushion case with the refill and puff. (If you are reusing it like me, wash nicely with your face cleanser and luke warm water and let them air dry).
    • I will be using my IOPE cushion foundation case
  • Small skin care spatula or a toothpick
  • Foundation of your choice
    • I will be using my Maybelline Matte and Poreless foundation in 235
  • An oil-free suncream
    • I will be using my Nutrogena Sunscreen SPF50
  • Essence serum/ Moisturizer that is good for your skin type
  • Liquid highlighter/ illuminator (optional)
  • Tweezers

Steps:

  • Remove the sponge cushion out of the container
  • Pump or pour 10g of foundation into the container
  • Add 3g of suncream
  • Add 5-7g of serum or moisturizer
  • Add 3g of liquid highlighter/illuminator
  • Mix well with toothpick
  • Test the foundation out to make sure you like the formula
    • If you want more coverage add more foundation
    • Need more moisture, add more moisturizer or serum
    • Want more glowy, dewy finish add more highlighter
  • Put the sponge back into the container
  • Clean around the cushion with cotton swab
  • Close the compact tightly

THERE Y’ALL GO! YOUR VERY OWN CUSHION FOUNDATION!

Good luck y’all and have fun!

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April Favorites 2017

It’s crazy it’s already May, we’re 1/3 into 2017! I’m sure my fellow seniors are excited to graduate in a few weeks, I know I am! Anyway, let’s talk about my favorites for this month; I have quite a few favorites I want to share with y’all. I will not just be talking about my favorite beauty products, but I will be adding favorite music, books, etc.

First, let’s start with foundation because it’s the “foundation” of makeup (haha no pun intended ;)). I’ve been loving my Estee Lauder Double Wear Stay-In-Place Makeup Foundation, which I did a review on (click here if you want to see an in depth review). I’m in the shade 3W2 Wheat and it’s a perfect match for me! I’m not going to say much because I don’t want to spoil the detailed review, but I will say this: I love this foundation (obviously, because it is in my favorites) because of its nice, matte finish, the coverage is AH-MAZING and it is long lasting.

Next is blush by Wet n Wild in the color Rosé Champagne. This is my go-to blush! I love how pigminted it is and it is so silky and smooth which makes it very easy to blend. I like to use this blush as a bronzer as well. I don’t use a bronzer because this product warms up my skin like a bronzer. This gives you a perfect, natural hint of color and blends seemlessly with any bronzer if you want to use a bronzer with this blush. It has a little bit of shimmer in the blush which gives you a nice glow.

The next product I will be talking about is the L’oréal Telescopic Mascara in blackest black. Being Asian I have those very short, stubborn, straight lashes. I’m very picky about my mascara because I like my mascara that curl and lengthen my lashes, I do wear false lashes so volume is not my main concern. This mascara does exactly what I want it to do and the curl lasts ALL DAY! I use about two coats on my lashes and it’s perfect.

This next product is not a beauty product but it is a book. Well there’s two books I would like to mention. The first book, y’all probably have seen all over social media is Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur. Milk and Honey is a collection of poetry and prose about survival. It is about the experience of violence, abuse, love, loss, and femininity. It is split into four chapters, and each chapter serves a different purpose, deals with a different pain, heals a different heartache. milk and honey takes readers through a journey of the most bitter moments in life and finds sweetness in them because there is sweetness everywhere if you are just willing to look.

The next book is Thirteen Reasons Why which most of us have seen on Netflix. If you have not read the book, I would highly reccomend it! Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a strange package with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker–his classmate and crush–who committed suicide two weeks earlier. Hannah’s voice tells him that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he’ll find out why.

My last favorites category of the month is music. I’ve been really into the songs Stay Together by Noah Cyrus and Rolex by Ayo and Teo.

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Time Fades

The struggles I face
from day to day

Are struggles that won’t
seem to fade away

I wake in the morning
and what do I see

A lost little girl
mourning to be

I struggle with loss,
pain and anxiety too

But most of all I
struggle from not having you

Time will heal
So they say

So I watch the clock
As time fades away
*Inspired by the chapel service on November 2, 2016. Reading the Book of Life”

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She Wants To Be Perfect

Words hurt

Bitch, Whore, Slut

She runs upstairs and grabs a knife

She cuts and cuts and cuts

Blood gushing out onto the floor

She screams, she cries, yet seems like no one hears her

She’s drowning in the dark

Fat, Gross, Disgusting

She runs and slams the bathroom door

She leans into the toilet

She throws up just so she can be thin

She wishes to be perfect, “it’s not fair” she says

She laughs and smiles at school, but why can no one see it’s a lie

Everything she does is fake

Her soul has been broken, she will never be the same

She never told anyone and no one will ever know because she keeps quiet

She doesn’t want people to think she wants attention

She takes the rope, hangs herself in the dark

She no longer has a beating heart

Her friends fall to the ground as they hear the words, “She’s dead”

Her brother cries as he sleeps in her bed

She is gone

She is done

Just because of people. People making fun.

She’s buried on a Saturday

On a gloomy, melancholy day

People start crying

All because that one girl stopped trying

so before judging someone on their weight or their clothes

their laugh, their talk, their hair, or their nose

Just take a moment to realize and see

Everyone is not always who they seem to be.

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This I Believe…

I believe in finding a good frog. It seems that all throughout childhood, we are taught to look for a happily ever after. “And they all lived happily ever after”; isn’t that the conclusion to many children’s films? When I was a kid I always thought of that as magical; but now really it just seems unrealistic. And it teaches us that what we want is a fairytale like they have in the storybooks. We all want to be Cinderella who gets swept off her feet by the hot prince; we want to live in the royal castle, right? But I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing for us to seek. Now, I’m not saying I believe in being pessimistic, but I do believe in being realistic; it’s something I got from my mom.

My mother and I always have our best conversations in the rain. We sit in the car, neither of us wanting to brave the rain to get to the house. So we sit. We watch droplets race down the windshield, listen to the rain strike the roof of her little gold mini van, and feel the heater on full-blast rushing at our feet (just the way we like it). I don’t know why, but sitting in the car, we always talk more than normal. There was one rainy day when my mom told me something that is going to stick with me forever. Earlier that day she and my dad had been arguing about something; I can’t remember what. So she said, “Don’t spend your life looking for Prince Charming. Instead, find yourself a really good frog.” At the time, I found this thought really disheartening. Who wants to think that you’ll never find Prince Charming? You’ll never get to be Cinderella? Another thought that struck my mind: if my mom says there’s no Prince Charming, then what’s my dad? A frog? I asked her, and she replied with, “Of course! If he were Prince Charming, he wouldn’t snore, would be able to cook, and we would never argue. But you know what? He’s a damn good frog.” Of course, being young, I didn’t think of the meaning behind what she was saying. I was too busy thinking of it literally, visualizing my mom as a princess and my dad in frog form.

But a few years later, I understand the value of my mom’s words. You can’t expect everything to be perfect. Let’s be completely honest; if you wait your whole life for your prince with flowing hair, statuesque features, and a white horse, you’re going to be lonely. I think that the point of finding a good frog is you accept something that’s great, flaws and all. It’s so easy to be picky. You can find the one tiny thing that’s wrong, and that one tiny thing is what you can’t get your mind off of. But in life, we can’t afford to wait years in vain for perfection. So I think that a good frog, an amazing frog, the best frog you can find is what we’re really looking for in this world. Don’t laze through life waiting for a happily ever after, because I don’t think you’ll be very happy with the outcome.

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Depression: What It Feels Like

My alarm goes off at 6 in the the morning, indicating that it’s time for me to get ready for school. Everything seems like such a mundane routine by now, and it’s only the beginning to middle of October. I lay in bed because I don’t want to get up, and it feels like the only place where I am safe. However, I manage to muster up the energy to roll myself out of my protective nest, only to be visited by that familiar feeling of dread.

Today is another day where I will be reminded that I am a failure.

My depression comes and goes in flares, and it’s usually brought on by my anxiety involving popular topics such as school, my future, and my insecurities. Lately, it’s been school and my future. I’m obsessed with grades. I’m obsessed with doing well, and I give myself high expectations. But since my depression has been beating me into the ground these past couple of weeks, I find it hard to be motivated in my classes, which stresses me out even more, resulting in a session of numb depression. And then it starts all over again. I tell myself these things that have become quite the regularity:

“I’m done”

“I want to drop out of high school”

“I hate myself”

“I hate my life”

“I’m exhausted”

“I’m a failure”

“I’m a loser”

“What’s the point?”

These thoughts and I, as scary as they are, are quite acquainted each other. I’m not terrified of them anymore because I’ve gotten so used to their existence. My depression gets so bad sometimes, that I rip myself down to shreds and I am my own worst enemy. Depression is when you look at the thing that once used to scare you dead in the eye, and just not care anymore. Their frightening reality is just another day, just another emotion and it doesn’t phase any longer. It’s this weird combination of feeling like you can take on anything in the world and be emotionless, and yet vulnerable at the same time. You just don’t know what’s going to happen next. 

Depression is feeling like nobody understands you, and you’re all alone in this chaotic world. It’s even shutting out the ones who care about you the most because it’s easier to push away those who are the most important to you. It’s curling up in bed and wanting to be left alone and still want to be comforted by someone at the same time. And it’s getting angry at every little thing, crying so much and feeling out of control, but not displaying any emotion at all and giving up on yourself and on everyone else. It’s getting ready for something bad to happen because you’re pessimistic, always looking for the negative. It’s feeling like you deserve to be punished all of the time, and expecting bad things to happen to you on a daily basis. And it hurts. Depression is it’s own kind of unique pain that I can’t exactly put into words, but nobody should have to experience it all alone. 

It’s a day of just finding some speck of energy to get by and to complete all of your adult obligations, but wanting to scream at the top of your lungs and have someone tell you it’s going to be okay. It’s me feeling like there is something wrong with me, that nobody will ever love me and I’m going to spend the rest of my days alone and unloved, even though I am surrounded by people who love me so much. It’s forgetting what you have in front of you because they seem so minuscule in comparison to the the painful obstacles you’re enduring. Honestly… depression feels like your world is ending, and everything is hopeless and confusing and a mess. It’s desperately wanting sweet relief more than anything. 

Darling,
The world’s not
really against you
The only one that’s against
you is yourself
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An Open Letter To the Korean-American Community

When I was a sophomore in high school, I had posted a mirror selfie. I was in a crop top, shorts and heels and one of my knees were bent while my head was just titled to the side (you know the typical white girl mirror selfie). A few weeks later, my mom stood over my shoulder and watched me delete the photo, scolding me for embarrassing her in front of the Korean-American community with my scandalous photo.

I grew up in a society where everybody knew everything of everyone. People lived off of gossip, from people’s jobs to people’s 401K plans. But the most interesting, and juiciest pieces of gossip were always about their children.

In elementary and middle school, it was about ERBs or “evil reading booklets” as the students called them. This was a standardized test the students from 1st-7th grade had to take and this will reflect on how the school was doing. In high school, it was about PSAT scores, AP scores, then SAT/ACT scores, then college acceptances. And in between the years, every relationship, outfit, and photo never went unnoticed.

Everybody gossips. It’s often used as a source of entertainment, and a means to justify our own actions or a way to feel better of our lives. Most of the time, gossip is harmless; but when it is used to pit people against each other, it becomes destructive.

That was how I, and I daresay, many others, felt like growing up. We didn’t simply represent ourselves, rather we represented our whole family. Perform well on a test, and that meant that the ordeal our parents had to go through coming to the United States was all worth it. Wearing modest clothes and looking presentable meant that our parents had taught us well. Everything we did directly reflected on our family.

Everything we did directly translated to how we should be treated. Growing up I was taught that those who did well in school were the ones who were to be looked up to. These were the people I had to surround myself with, and these were the people who I should be seen with. On the other hand, those who made poor decisions, who were kicked out of schools for misbehavior, those were the kids whose names were spoken in a whisper. Who I was never to even think about.

I write about what I know. I know that I am a Korean American, and I know that this is what my life was like growing up. Which is why I am singling out the Korean American community. Growing up, I felt like I was held under a microscope, and even a flick of a finger in the wrong direction could lead me to be shunned. Growing up, I thought it was normal to think not only of how my decisions would affect me, but even more importantly, how it would affect my family’s reputation under your eyes. But I have now decided that’s not normal, and more importantly, that is not OK. No child should have to feel such a heavy burden on their shoulders. Stop using your children as a means of social judgment. In fact, stop judging yourselves so heavily at all. Underneath every action is 100 feet of decisions and dedications, that a person had to make. So unless you have as much patience and tenacity to analyze such decisions as you do every result, you have no right to judge us at all.

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Estee Lauder Double Wear Stay-In-Place Makeup Foundation SPF 10

I’m so excited to share with y’all this review because this foundation has been my go-to for the last month. This foundation has been a cult favorite for many people, it’s the Estee Lauder Double Wear Stay-In-Place Makeup Foundation.

My Skin Type: Oily, dehydrated with clogged pores

Shade: 3N2 Wheat

Packaging: Frosted glass bottle, gold screw on lid, no pump (however, a MAC pump or the Covergirl Outlast Stay Fabulous 3-in-1 Foundation pump works perfectly)

Details/Claims: On the Estee Lauder website this foundation claims to be long wearing (24 hours) with medium to buildable full coverage. The finish saids to be matte and the formula is oil-free, oil-controlling, dermatologist-tested, non-acnegenic; wont clog pores, and fragrance-free. It looks flawless and natural while feeling lightweight and comfortable.  It won’t oxidize and it’s transfer-proof.

When applying this foundation I like to mix a bit of my Estee Lauder Night Time Repair Serum with the foundation and apply it with my RealTechniques Beauty Blender. This gives the foundation a natural glowy finish and not just a flat matte finish. In my foundation I look for a natural finish. I love matte foundations, but not flat matte because they tend to cling to my dry patches. The shade range of this foundation is pretty good. I think they could’ve gone a little lighter and a little darker, but overall I’m happy with the shade range compared to other foundations on the market. The foundation is a high medium coverage but can be built up to a full coverage. Overall, I give this foundation an 8/10 stars. The reason it does not get a 10/10 is because this foundation is a little too matte for me which is why I mix it with my Night Time Repair and it tends to cake up around my nose.

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